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As a general rule of thumb, I just assume I over-think everything because, to be honest, I do. If I don’t stop myself then I’m just going to wind up paralyzed by my own circular logic and I’d never get anything done. Even though I know this about myself, there is one thing that I cannot make myself buy into no matter how hard I try. What I struggle with is the idea of a career path that just pays the bills.
Is it presumptuous of me to believe that most people who are in a long term jobs have given up on their dreams? I’ve worked in a corporate setting and I know that most people there do not enjoy their job. Now I’m not naive enough to think that I can make money without ever having to do something I don’t want to do, but I’m not willing to work 40 plus hours a week at a job solely so I can afford the things to make me feel alive on the weekend. Some people can segment their lives into little boxes labeled work, play, fulfilling, necessary, spiritual etc. until they feel like the food pyramid of their lives has all it’s necessary requirements but I don’t think I am one of them.
What scares me the most is that everyone has probably felt and said all of this during their mid 20s. That one day I am going to lose the hope that I can be fulfilled by all that I do with my life, not just my free time, and when I do I’m going to give into the idea that a steadily growing 401k, a new car, and a house in the suburbs is worth giving up 40 years of my life to something, to a corporation, to a business model, to anything outside of my own soul and the people around me. I’m a product of all the fairy tales, all the children’s stories, all the fables that tell me to go after my dreams but as I see the world we live in, it’s like adults who tell these stories don’t really believe them. The parents’ who tell their kids that they can be anything they want when they grow up go to jobs they despise and then when the kid gets out of college they want them to get a high paying job just like them.
I guess I’m reaching the point where I have choose between surrendering to the bitter taste of cynicism or keep fighting for what I believe to be right. The real question is how do I fight this when there is so much standing in my way? Since I don’t know what my perfect life is, how do I fight for it? That’s a subject for a later blog post, I guess. I’ve rambled enough for this one.
